As I write this I am sitting in my family room at home in Birmingham, AL. My parents are at work and my brother is at school and it is just me and my dog Annie. It is so good to be home. It's amazing how much less alone you feel when a dog is around. We had a teacher work day which I quickly found out to be secret code for teacher holiday! So I am putting off till tomorrow (or until monday) what I could do today and came home yesterday afternoon.
If you had asked me last Sunday what I thought about teaching I probably would have told you I hated it and I didn't like my school if I was being completely honest. But if you asked me today what I thought about teaching I would not tell you I loved it, but I would tell I really am beginning to enjoy it. If you ask me next week what I think of teaching, I have no idea how I will feel. This past month my feelings have been so up and down I am no where near being able to make a good judgement on what I really think. But this week was a great week for school. I think I am just feeling more confident about things even if every class is not great, I am still ok. I do like the school I am in, I like the size of it and the opportunities I am having to bond with the students. It's not a perfect school though and I have some ideas for things to do that I think would be good and so I want to get to the point where I am not just thinking about how to make my classroom better but how can I help make the school better too.
I feel like the other teachers don't really know the real Lauren. I get intimated a lot when the prinicpal talks to me even though he is not a scary guy. I want people to know that I am funny and don't really take myself too seriously. I guess it will just take time for the real me to come out in front of the teachers. I think I do have a problem with just wanting people to like me. I think I am an awesome person who is funny and caring and a good friend and I just want other people to know that person too.
News for the week:
I broke up my first fight the other day in class. Two boys who are friends were goofing around before class and then before I know it one of them is flat on the ground and then hops up and starts going at it with the other boy. I yelled at them to stop and then got in between them (they are shorter than me and no fists were being thrown yet) and they stopped. I told them both to go sit down and then just kind of started class hoping that by moving on quickly to the history lesson everyone would forget what had happened. That mostly worked. I didn't really know what to do though or how it really started, but by the end of class the boys seemed ok and John (one of the boys) went up to Dixon and apologized. John had pushed Dixon on accident but Dixon thought it was on purpose and that's why they started fighting. It was kind of sweet though that they were able to forgive each other so quickly. I think my main strategy for dealing with stuff like that is to kind of just ignore it...probably not the best thing to do but I just don't really know what else to do. My students probably think I am completely clueless sometimes and maybe I probably am.
I discovered how to be everyone's favorite teacher, have class outside. This is actually code for the students don't get any work done and just have a free period. Note to self: don't do this again unless you really don't care if the students throw things at a wasp's nest and get absolutely nothing accomplished during the period.
Finally, I signed a lease on a house! Me and two other girls I met (Lauren and Jenelle) have decided to move in together and we have been looking at different places to rent and finally decided on a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a fenced in backyard for Lauren's black lab and our lease starts Oct 5. I am super excited. Where I am living right now is great in the sense that it is 5 minutes away from work and completely free but it is mostly like I am living by myself and it gets pretty lonely a lot. I am excited to be in a house with my own furniture, a bedroom I can decorate and people my age who will be around and a dog! So now I need people to come visit me in my awesome new house! I feel like there are so many things to do in charlotte but none of them are things I want to do by myself. Now that I am starting to like my job I want to start liking living in charlotte. I want to have a life outside of work so badly. I have been meeting people, now it is just a matter of becoming real friends with people. And my old friends come visit me!
Being by myself a lot though has definitely made me more brave. I know that if I do not make the effort myself to meet people and go to events like at church then I will never meet people. Always before in my life I would not do things unless I was with people I knew or would know at least a few people at an event I was going to go to. Now I know nobody and I have to pray that God will give me courage to step out and go to things and meet people and it is hard, but God's mercies are new each day and he has provided so much for me already. Every now and then I totally break down and cry for a long time just wanting to quit and come back home but then I am reminded that it is not supposed to be easy but that God is still here.
Well, I know I have written a lot, does anyone really read this thing? I will be travelling a lot the next couple of weeks. Home this weekend, flying to Michigan next friday..so excited!!! covenant's homecoming the week after, moving into a new house, th school I teach at is having the middle school retreat at a camp in NC soon, visiting my grandparents and other stuff. I don't have any best friends in charlotte yet, but I am so excited to see all my very best of friends over the next couple of weekends!
2 days ago
